Here’s the thing
About not having Facebook anymore.
Don’t have to deal with all the people who want to be positive about their lives while i want to stew in misery.
Don’t have to see ugly mediocre cat photos. Only Tumblr photos of a cat high-fiving a ferret on the top of a mini obstacle course build from transcripts of This American Life written on recycled cardboard boxes taped on top of a mattress inside a somewhat dirty but it’s still pretty damn cool loft probably somewhere in Brooklyn and the view out this fucking window was literally a fucking scene from The Aristocats… for me from now on.
Don’t have to worry about my mother seeing pictures of me in the background of a party unsuccessfully hitting on a girl while smoking a cigarette.
Don’t have to sit half drunk in my living room going through friends’s - who i haven’t talked to in three years - photos looking for myself and wondering if they were really good times or i’m just romanticizing it because this episode of 30 Rock i’ve watched a million times over isn’t my favorite, but you know i really need to just rock through it because if i destroy the continuity of this season i’m really just doing myself a disservice it’s a disservice to myself and that’s the truth and isn’t there a guest star on this one i seem remember a guest star Jon Hamm was it Jon Hamm probably not that episode no this must be another one.
Don’t have to remember how easy i had it in college.
Don’t have to spend 20 minutes debating if i have to wish some-fucker-that-i-don’t-give-a-damn-about a happy birthday because i wished that cute girl i knew 7 years ago a happy birthday and we used to run in the same circles but like he didn’t know that we slept together and they used to date but in reality like it’s nooooooooo diggity biggy am i right? No big? No big deal? We’re all on the same page right?
Don’t feel like i’m being bombarded with adds about Men’s Suits from Gaspachavamanaleesaperovian Hughs. (And also just because i fucking talked about Dirty Projectors ONCE on someone’s wall now you have to fucking shove every Brooklyn-based-noise-rock-duo-who-has-a-demo ALL OVER my wall, add space, and email?!?)
Don’t have to be reminded about how everyone’s a more responsible drinker than i. (?)
Don’t have to worry that my narcissistic tumblr posts accidentally got sent to all my family members on Facebizzél.
Thank you all.